


Someone to Hold When the Night Ends

by MindNoise



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 14:09:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12913530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindNoise/pseuds/MindNoise
Summary: sequel to All of Nothingsong inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiXKxQ6dKKU(copy/paste for links above. Sorry, I wish I knew how to actually link in AO3. It doesn't work for me!)





	Someone to Hold When the Night Ends

 

He takes a breath and holds it, then lets it out slowly, trying to stop the fluttering in his stomach. He wonders, and not for the first time, why he’s doing this. Feeling slightly faint, he knocks. Adam opens the hotel room door and blinks in surprise. Briefly, Tommy wishes he had the ability to disappear; he shouldn’t have done this. Then Adam smiles. He laughs and pulls Tommy into a hug. Tommy laughs, too, but in relief. Maybe flying to Ireland to surprise Adam on his Queen tour wasn’t the worst idea he’s ever had.

“What are you doing here?” Adam asks and holding him at arm’s length.

“I was in the neighborhood,” Tommy says with a shrug.

Adam laughs again and releases Tommy’s arms.

“Come in,” he says, standing aside, allowing Tommy to walk through the door.

Tommy stops in the middle of the living room suite. Adam’s hotel rooms have gotten more luxurious. Tommy remembers when they were sleeping four to a room on tour. He looks around. This isn’t really a hotel room; it’s an apartment. He turns and faces Adam. He’s nervous again.

Adam motions to the couch. Tommy sits, perching on the edge. Adam sits on the opposite end, leaning into the back, looking relaxed. Tommy envious his calmness.

“What brings you here, Tommy Joe?” 

Tommy knew the question was coming and he had a lot of lame answers. Bottom line, he aches for Adam. And it’s been burning since the night of the Halloween attraction when Adam took him in the cornfield and then walked away. It wasn’t the first time they’d had a one night fling and he has no idea why he can’t let go this time. The sensation and the longing have been sitting inside him growing intense and hurting. Some days he almost chokes on it. Adam went back on tour with Queen, overseas this time, and Tommy followed his schedule. He watched the videos, read the tweets, all of it exacerbating what was already inside him. One night, he checked the schedule, downed two shots of whiskey, and booked a flight. He would surprise Adam.

“I wanted a vacation and I like Ireland,” Tommy says.

“There’s nothing like the Emerald Isle,” Adam says, referencing its lush nickname.

Tommy nods. “It’s peaceful here.”

Adam nods with him, his gaze sharpening, and Tommy can feel it searching him. He’s been on the end of Adam’s probing stares before but this time it scares him. This time he wants to hide.

“How did you find me?” Adam asks.

“Oh, I called your mom,” he says. “I knew you were touring and I saw you would be here and she told me where you were staying.”

Adam’s stare doesn’t waver. “You just happened to pick the same country, the same city, the same time?”

“Crazy, huh?” Tommy says with a short laugh. He really wishes Adam would look at something else.

Adam hums. “Quite a coincidence.”

He looks away and Tommy takes a quiet, deep breath, his heart suddenly galloping in his chest.

“I can leave,” he says, starting to rise. “I know you’re busy. I don’t want to bother you.”

“Sit,” Adam says, looking surprised.

Tommy sits back stiffly. Adam gives him a warm smile.

“You’re never a bother,” he says. “I’m glad to see you.”

“How’s the tour?” Tommy asks. It’s safe topic and he won’t have to talk much or explain why he’s here.

“The best yet,” Adam says.

He gushes about the band, his outfits, and the fans. It gives Tommy a chance to ground himself. He smiles and ooh’s and ah’s in the right places, but his mind is elsewhere. He’s focused on Adam’s face, his eyes, his mouth, his gestures, and that ache inside increases until he begins to fidget. He wondered on the way here if his desire for Adam was fleeting. Now he realizes it’s not. He really wants Adam.

“You okay?” Adam asks.

“Yeah,” he says, his mind coming back into the room. “Sorry. Jet lagged, I guess.”

“Have you eaten?” Adam asks.

The question stumps Tommy. It’s an ordinary question but his nerves make it an impossible one.

Adam grins. “Food might help the jet lag.

Tommy smiles, feeling himself blush. “No, I forgot to eat.”

Adam stands, taking Tommy’s hand and pulling him up.

“Come on. There’s a place I want to try.”

His hand in Adam’s shoots warmth and energy through him and he stops breathing. He feels like one of Adam’s fans, completely out of sorts because Adam touched him. Adam drops his hand and Tommy feels empty. Like he always does when Adam moves away from him. He wonders again why he’s doing this. He’s bound to get hurt.

 

Slattery’s Pub is the most colorful place Tommy’s seen. They’re seated in a corner on two oversized arm chairs with pillows behind them. A small wooden table with a candle sits in front of them. They’re on the second floor and Tommy can see just over the balcony railing. He’s fascinated by the colored window panes, lights, hanging pictures, and the entire lay out in general. Everything is colorful and shiny. There’s a band on the first floor.

“I’m surprised you’re eating such heavy food,” Tommy says, shoving pizza into his mouth.

“You’ll notice I’m not eating much,” Adam says with a wink.

“This is a fun spot, though,” Tommy says.

“I saw pictures and I wanted to check it out,” Adam says. “But I think it’s more of a place to hang out rather than an actual restaurant considering the food we ordered came from a place across the street.”

“Well I like it,” Tommy says, draining the last of his Guinness.

“You do like bright, shiny things,” Adam says.

“Shut up,” Tommy says laughing. “You’re one to talk.”

Adam’s smile widens. Tommy feels years of separation disappear in an instant bringing comfort and familiarity. It’s short lived, though, and his stomach drops suddenly with the realization the ease won’t last because those years do exist and the separation is real.

“You’re not very forthcoming with what you’ve been up to,” Adam says.

Tommy shrugs. “Not much to tell. Nothing terribly exciting.”

Adam raises his eyebrows. “Gigs?”

“Some, yeah.”

“Nothing permanent?”

“I haven’t made any commitments,” Tommy says.

Adam looks back at his drink and takes a sip.

Tommy shakes his head, anxious to divert the conversation away from himself. “You and those frilly drinks.”

Adam laughs. “Martinis aren’t frilly.”

“Adam, it has a cherry in it,” Tommy says. “Please.”

“At least it won’t sit like lead in my stomach,” he says, pointing to Tommy’s empty glass.

“Guinness has immune boosting properties, if you must know,” Tommy says. “It’s good for me.”

Adam’s laugh rings through Tommy’s ears and it’s one of the sweetest sounds he’s ever heard. He’s always thought so.

“Have you got plans tonight?” Adam asks.

Of course Tommy doesn’t have plans. His entire trip revolves around seeing Adam but he doesn’t want Adam to know. He hesitates to answer, trying to come up with an itinerary on the spot so he doesn’t seem pathetic.

“If you do, that’s cool,” Adam says. “If not or if you’re flexible, I’d love it if you came to the show.”

“Oh yeah,” Tommy says, pretending to think it over. “I can do that. I’d love to go.”

“Great,” Adam says. “I can leave your name at the door or, if you’d like, you can just go with me.”

“Well that would involve hanging out with you all day,” Tommy says, faking exasperation.

“I’m afraid it would,” Adam says, his eyes shining. “Will you be able to bear it?”

Tommy sighs, “The things I do to see Queen.”

Adam wads up his napkin and throws it at Tommy’s head. Tommy ducks, laughing.

 

They walk through the door of Adam’s room in silence. Aside from idle chit chat about the scenery and how close they are to the show’s arena, the short trip back to the hotel had been quiet. Adam’s mood shifted from easy going to reserved. It made Tommy anxious. Was it him? He couldn’t tell what was on Adam’s mind. He used to be able to read Adam just by the expression on his face or a look in his eyes, but time and distance had taken that ability. It made Tommy feel awkward and unsure. He had the same feeling that night in the cornfield. His mind jumped between convinced he made the right decision in coming to convinced he shouldn’t be here at all.

Adam closes the door behind them. 

“Why are you here, Tommy?” Adam asks.

Tommy turns, completely caught off guard. That penetrating stare is back and Tommy fights not to squirm. Even under his hard gaze, Tommy’s insides melt at how beautiful Adam is.

“Vacation,” Tommy says weakly. “I told you.”

“You don’t take vacations alone in cities where you don’t know anyone, let alone a different country,” Adam says.

“You don’t know that,” Tommy says.

“I know you,” Adam says.

“You sure about that?” Tommy asks. An irrational irritation rises in him. 

“What does that mean?” Adam asks.

“You haven’t bothered to know anything about me for several years now,” Tommy says. “Unless you want a random hook up. Then you know who I am.”

Adam’s jaw clenches. Tommy wishes he could take it back.

“Are you serious?” he asks.

“Am I right?” Tommy asks, attempting to turn it back on Adam.

Adam tosses the card key onto a table to the side. He looks back at Tommy.

“What are you doing, Tommy?”

Tommy wants nothing more than to open up and unload all of things he’s wanted to say to Adam but never had the courage. But he freezes. He shakes his head. Why is this so hard?

“It absolutely crushed me when the label separated us professionally,” Adam says. “And I didn’t keep in touch well enough. I admit that and I’m very sorry. But there’s something going on here. There’s a reason you’re here.”

Tommy sighs, looking away. “Damn it, Adam.”

Adam waits patiently while Tommy gathers himself.

“The last time,” Tommy says, looking at the wall instead of Adam. “At Halloween… I wanted to tell you… so many things, but I couldn’t get anything out.”

“Tell me what?” Adam asks.

“I love you,” Tommy says. It comes out before he can stop it or think about it.

“We’re friends,” Adam says. It’s a nonchalant reply.

Tommy closes his eyes, hanging his head. That’s not what he meant. Adam must know that. Unless it’s Adam’s way of telling him that he doesn’t love Tommy the same way. Will he ever be special?

“Yeah,” Tommy says. He feels nauseous.

“Why are you so scared?” Adam asks.

Tommy looks back at him.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Adam gives him a hard look before replying. “We’ve been dancing around this since the first tour.”

“I guess,” Tommy says.

“And why is that?” Adam asks.

“What do you want me to say?” Tommy asks.

“I want you to tell me what is going on,” Adam says. “Why are you afraid to tell me what this is about?”

Tommy rolls his eyes and groans. He doesn’t like being cornered.

“And that’s why we are where we are,” Adam says, an edge creeping into his tone. “You don’t talk. You just hold everything in and turn away.”

“I’ll tell you why we are where we are,” Tommy says. “You shoved me out of your life. You hardly talk to me anymore, except when it’s a group setting. Or you want a quick fuck. I’m nothing more than one of your many toys now.”

“That’s a low blow,” Adam says. “I recall you insisting several times the sex wasn’t serious.”

Tommy looks away again. He’s not wrong.

“So, I didn’t take it seriously,” Adam says.

“This is all my fault,” Tommy says. “Is that what you’re saying?”

“I’m not saying anything of the sort,” Adam says. “We made choices, we both dropped the ball on keeping in touch, and this is just the path things took.”

Tommy doesn’t speak. He fucked all this up a long time ago. He shouldn’t have said it wasn’t serious, ever. Now it’s all wrong. He looks back at Adam. This isn’t working.

“I should go,” he says.

“We both walked away,” Adam says. “We both still walk away every time. So don’t lay this at my feet like you’re being used.”

“I fucking hate this,” Tommy says, frustrated. “Do you understand? I hate all of this. I hate our distance so much I can’t stomach it anymore. I hate seeing you with others. I love you. Not the friend thing, I really love you. I can’t do these spontaneous hook ups anymore. You’re gone after and I’m cold inside. It hurts. I don’t want that anymore.”

“What do you want me to do?” Adam asks.

“Nothing,” he says. “Forget it.”

He moves to go past Adam and leave, but Adam grabs his arm, holding him in place.

“No,” he says, clearly angry now. “You didn’t come all this way for it be nothing.”

Tommy doesn’t reply. He’s close to tears. He’s about to lose Adam for good and he’s trying to figure out how to come to grips with that quickly as well as leave with dignity.

“Tommy.” Adam’s tone is a command and it spurs Tommy into shouting.

 “Tell me you feel the same.” He hates the plea in his voice but the request is raw. “If you feel the same way, say it. Tell me I matter. I don’t want to keep going on without you. Tell me you’re the one.”

“I’m the one,” Adam says, shouting back.

The reply startles Tommy. He wasn’t really expecting it. And Adam isn’t retracting it.

“I don’t want anyone else,” Adam says. “I never did, but I wasn’t going to talk you into being with me.”

“Is it...” He feels hot and his mouth is dry. “Is it too late?”

“No,” Adam says. “It’s not too late. Not for you.”

Tommy feels the desperation and panic bleed away and being replaced by hope. His heart is pounding for a different reason now. Adam lets go of his arm. Tommy looks at him closely. Adam’s eyes have softened and he sees a love in them that he hasn’t seen in several years. Adam brushes the hair off Tommy’s face and kisses him softly. Tommy’s arms go around him and Adam walks him to the bedroom.

 

He lies on the bed, naked and squirming as Adam licks and sucks and fingers him. It’s an unhurried process, almost lazy. Adam’s touch feels different, more real this time. Their previous trysts were quick and dirty, but not this time. This time Adam handles him reverently as he would someone he’s in love with. Adam’s in love with him. Tommy smiles, sighing against Adam’s mouth on his cock, his hands sliding over his thighs and hips.

When Adam is finally lying over him, his cock between Tommy’s thighs, pressing against him, alarm shoots through Tommy. This is not a hook up for fun. This is real, it’s new, and it’s scary. What if he’s not worth it? He swallows audibly.

 “You look nervous,” Adam says.

Tommy opens his mouth to say no, but closes it. It would be a lie.

“We’ve been here before,” Adam says.

“Not like this,” Tommy says.

“No,” Adam concedes. “Not like this. Trust me anyway.” 

He holds Adam’s face as Adam slides in, filling him. Tommy watches every expression that crosses his face. A familiar fire burns between them, yet it’s different. It feels solid. It won’t fade this time. Every touch, every kiss, every push into Tommy is careful and deliberate and holds the promise of forever. Tommy arches into Adam when he comes. Adam holds him tightly, catching Tommy’s moan in his mouth. He grips Adam’s ass, pulsing his hips closer to Adam until he gasps Tommy’s name, his orgasm throbbing through Tommy.

“I am the one,” Adam says.                         

Tommy nods and holds Adam close as the night closes in.

 


End file.
